The Best Hidden Flasks To Get Slammed On That Next Cruise


For some, it’s an occasional indulgence.  Others can’t go a few hours without a sip.  

Whichever camp you’re in, there’s no denying it makes parties (and pretty much everything else) more fun.  

Do you know what makes the fun even better?  

Taking the booze to go in your very own hidden flask.   Even if you’re not a drinker, hidden flasks make great gifts for that “friend” in your life who likes to keep their drinking problem discrete.  They’re also a boon for the person who likes going to concerts, festivals and sporting events and is too cheap to pay for alcohol at the venue. The hidden flask allows these types to simply smuggle their own in.  I understand, you lush.  You like to save money on liquor so you can buy more…liquor.  

What’s that?  Try again. You’re slurring your speech.  

Where can you find the best hidden flasks, you asked?  

Don’t worry, I’ve got you covered.  While you were nursing your last hangover I did some work and put together a list of the best hidden flasks around.   Sober up for a minute, take a look through these and order a few.  You’ll thank me the next time you have a hankering for the good stuff and can sneak off to an empty conference room or the bathroom at your in-laws house to quench your thirst.

  1. Hidden Lotion Flask

Dry hands?  More like dry throat.  This great little set of three lotion bottles make some of the best hidden flasks around.  Leave one in your glove box, your gym bag or your bathroom.  The beauty of these hidden lotion flasks is you can leave them, well, wherever.   They’re totally inconspicuous. Whoever suspects anything sinister about a bottle of lotion?

This is good news for you, my intoxicated compadre.  No more forgetting about your empty booze bottle in the back seat of your car.   It’s just a lil’ innocent bottle of lotion.  Don’t get caught drinking out of one, though.  If you do, you have my permission to tell your accuser your lips are REALLY chapped.  If that doesn’t work, just ignore them and keep drinking.  

Each hidden lotion flask holds four ounces of your favorite booze.  I know math isn’t your strong suit so let me help you out: THIS MEANS 12 OUNCES OF PURE BLISS IN THIS SET OF HIDDEN LOTION FLASKS.   They come in three unique designs and are made from food safe plastic.    They come with a couple funnels (good for folks like you with shaky hands) for easy pouring.  Don’t lose these!

Bad hair day?  Take care of it two ways with the secret brush flask.  Part your hair and part with your sobriety in one handy tool.  An excellent companion to the hidden lotion flask, the secret blush flask is actually a fully functional hairbrush that just so happens to have a spot to hide your whiskey.    Sneak it in to a concert or sporting event.  The sky’s the limit, really.  

This bad boy holds six ounces of fun and IS UNDECTABLE TO METAL DETECTORS!  Use your creativity with that last bit of information.  The brush has a nice soft touch coating and a backside mirror.  

Another innocuous, everyday item that festival security won’t think twice about checking over.  The catch here is that the hidden umbrella flask isn’t really a working umbrella, so you might have to bring a real one with you too (if you expect rain).  But maybe not.  You can always just weather out the storm happy that you have a little alcohol to keep you warm.  It’s also a great conversation starter, too.  People love talking about the weather.  

“Oh, you didn’t know it was supposed to rain?  That’s not the forecast I heard.”  

You see where I’m going with this, right?

Empty your hidden umbrella flask down your gullet and you’ll be talking about the weather with everyone you see in no time.  

The hidden scarf flask is for you ladies in the audience.  And you trendy fellas, too, I suppose.  This thing will warm your neck and your spirits in one sweet little hidden flask.  

The best part is there’s no chance of being caught drinking out of or pouring booze into a mixer from of a lotion bottle or umbrella.  

There’s a handy pour/drinking spot enclosed in this zippered hidden scarf flask, so all you have to do is hide in a corner somewhere, pull out the spout, and BOOM – instant cocktail.    The bad part is, a sweaty neck on hot days or an itchy one if you’ve got some neck beard scruff going on (some of you ladies know what I’m talking about).  

You see, the great thing about my list is that I’m supplying you with objective information so you can make your own informed decision on which methods are best for you to sneak liquor around in.  I know you don’t make the best decisions since you’re tipsy all the time but that’s not my fault.  I digress.   

The hidden scarf flask is made of lightweight material that can be worn in any weather conditions.  For optimal concealment they say to use a double loop (whatever that means).  The flask hold eight ounces and includes collapsible rubber funnel.  

Fancy yourself a fashionista?

Then lucky you, this engineering marvel comes in a variety of solid and chevron print colors so you can look good while you’re getting numb.  

A hidden ice pack flask.  Who’d have thought?  Don’t you love the creativity with these?  It’s unbelievable, but people cheaper than you with worse alcohol problems have gone to great lengths to conceal their liquor in all manner of ways.  I digress.  

Using the hidden ice pack flask is as simple as one-two-three.

  1. Fill it with liquor.
  2. Put it in your cooler or your freezer or anywhere, really.  
  3. Drink the liquor.

This hidden ice pack flask is fantastic if you need to smuggle some booze in your cooler to the beach, your nephew’s soccer game, a concert or a festival.  Use your imagination.  I suppose if you wanted you could even put some wine, beer, soda, juice or water in it.  I don’t know why you’d bother; if I were you I’d stick with liquor.  

The hidden ice pack flask is easy to clean and dishwasher safe (not that you’d bother cleaning it, anyway).  It’s also made of food grade plastic and is non-toxic.  It’s also got a nice wide opening so you don’t need a funnel to fill it and the cap is water-tight and leak proof. This means no spilled liquor (gasp).

Booze is one of your favorite things.  If you’re like me, you like boobs just as much.  Maybe you even have your own pair.  I wonder then:

What could be better than boobs AND booze?  


The hidden bra flask combines both of your favorite things in one good looking package.  Have your lady strap this baby on, (or strap it on yourself if you’re a gal or really, really drunk), and you can sneak booze pretty much everywhere.  The best part of the hidden bra flask is you don’t need any excuse to cop of feel when it’s time to refill.  

The hidden bra flask is a comfy sports bra with a polyurethane bladder that holds 25 ounces of your favorite libation.  The bladder is removable and is custom-shaped to fit and includes a long drinking tube with easy-to-use on/off valve to control flow.  The bra is machine washable but you’d have to hand wash the bladder, I’m afraid.  Small details.  

Birdwatching.  Safaris. Lifeguarding. Hunting.  You name it. Take this hidden binoculars flask with you and never be caught without your precious alcohol.  Just don’t let anyone who isn’t in on the joke try to use them or they’ll end up with a burning eyeball or two.   You’ll be seeing double in no time as this sweet, outdoorsy hidden flask just made for the outdoors holds fourteen ounces of booze.  It also comes with a handy funnel for pouring.  

The hidden deodorant spray flask holds eight ounces of alcohol in a stylish bottle with a European brand.  Stash it in your gym bag so you can catch a nip in between reps on the squat rack.  Put it in your bathroom bag and take it with you when you travel.  Catch a buzz in the hotel bathroom.  Impress the babes with stories of your European adventures if they ask why you have European deodorant spray.  It looks exactly like the real thing.  

Who said you can’t look snappy while you get drunk on the sly?  Not me.  This awesome hidden flask will save your butt the next occasion which requires you wear a tie but is also, sadly, a dry event.  Weddings, funerals you name it.  Have your booze at the ready and stay stylish.  The necktie hidden flask comes in a wide variety of patterns and colors of your choice.  

The necktie hidden flask holds eight ounces of your favorite drink and includes a collapsible rubber funnel.  You drink from the small end of the tie with a hidden, built-in tie valve.  

Top of Form

  1. Book Hidden Flask

I know reading’s not your thing, but impress everyone that comes to your apartment with your huge selection of antique books.  You’ll impress them even more when you pull a flask full of liquor out of one and say a toast to your favorite author or to the fact that the book hidden flask is also eco-friendly.  Instead of these old books going to the shredder, you get to hide your booze in them.  They also come gift wrapped so you can give one to your friend that actually knows how to read.  

There you have it.  Your very own list of the ten very best hidden flasks I could track down for you.  Just make sure whichever one you buy is full of booze the next time I stop by.  Remember, there’s no hiding your alcohol problem from me.